Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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