we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
