just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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