Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
