yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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