# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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