So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
