There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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