is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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