I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
