Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
there's paper in my vomit.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize