obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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