I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
