I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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