Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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