Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
