Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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