what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
