so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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