You really coming over, don't trick.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
