Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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