did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
