If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize