Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
