what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
