1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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