my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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