She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
