hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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