if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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