and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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