I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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