Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
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