HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
