Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
