Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
