dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
