:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Randomize
