does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
