Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
