wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize