Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
