apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
