so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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