I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize