anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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