Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
