He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
