and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
