How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize