I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
