Just fell off a train. Bad.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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