WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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