Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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