I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
