and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
