I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
