Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My vagina is very pro this idea
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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