I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
