Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
