I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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