What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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