i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I did not marry a roomba.
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