and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
