I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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