i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
