You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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