party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
